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All right, friends, today we’re going to be discussing Blondie Fesser, Kagney Linn Karter, Mistress Minerva and Nora Barcelona. And, you might be wondering: What do these porn stars have in common?
Well, let me take a step back for a sec. Recently, in conjunction with NSFW Oculus’ voting, we did a special feature: 2015 VR Porn Movie Awards. And, while the winners differed from my picks: I thought the results made sense.
After all, Misha Cross, Harmony Reigns, Marta La Croft and Irina Vega: these beautiful women starred in some great VRs. And, they won through a voting process. That’s as fair as it gets. So, I felt good about the whole thing… except…
Something nagged at my mind. While trying to fall asleep, I remembered Kagney’s movie: she plays a nurse, and the whole thing gets hysterical. I thought about Blondie’s wild VR in which she’s getting harassed by the no-good bastard, Big Man. And, finally, I remembered Nora Barcelona and Mistress Minerva with their BDSM VR: complete with nipple clamps, hot wax and so forth…
At this point, you might be thinking one of these thoughts:
1. Really? You were having trouble sleeping because of VR Porn polling results?
2. You really are a headcase, aren’t you, asshole?
3. That header graphic is a bit sloppy. Is that your attempt at being creative? You no-talent, asshole…
All right, let me respond.
First, stop calling me an asshole!
Second, I’m not saying that I’m curled-up in a fetal position in the corner of my skanky room! I ain’t saying that I’m traumatized! I’m not saying that I think this is the biggest injustice in the entire world!
Third, I never claimed to be a graphic designer!
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I’m just saying that in an article about the best 2015 VRs, it only seems right that Blondie Fesser, Kagney Linn Karter, Mistress Minerva and Nora Barcelona get a mention. I ain’t saying that if I don’t write this article that life’s biggest injustice has just occurred. Stop busting my ass! I’m just a nobody VR porn reviewer. You think I wanted to be this when I grew up!
I sure didn’t. I wanted to be a New York Yankees outfielder or Nascar hero man. I wish I were kidding!
Moving along…
So, sure… our Best VR poll results were good and fair. Yet, when discussing the best VR porns of 2015, it felt wrong that the most purely-creative work received no mention. So, friends, here’s a little something to acknowledge the highly-creative VR porns of 2015.
Why is this important?
Well, hell…I got to write about something! Additionally—and, more seriously—on the forums you’ll see many criticisms concerning the formulaic, expected-nature of VR Porn.
People lament it’s very predictable: BJ, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, money shot. And, I can’t tell these complainers they’re wrong. VR Porn—truth be told—tends to be pretty formulaic.
That’s why it’s especially important to salute the directors, script-writers and performers who ventured off the conventional path into risky, novel terrain.
And, that’s what I’m doing here. I’m just going by alphabetical order. So, let’s start with Blondie…
Blondie Fesser: Harley Gets A Tune-up
With her long, blonde ponytail; big boobs with glorious-droopiness; bald twat and pretty face; Blondie really rocks in this bizarre, BaDoink VR. Let’s take a look at BaDoinkVR’s synopsis:
“After capturing Harley, “Big Man” deeply interrogates her right off the bat with his rough and penetrating techniques, taking Harley for a ride down the long and hard road of truth.”
“The long and hard road of truth…” Well, props to the writer who came up with that.
Wow. This VR provides suspense and drama and…it’s sure as hell more fun than an episode of Law and Order. God, that show is so depressing. Why do I ever even turn it on? I mean…why does it appeal to people? It reminds me of that show called Disappeared…or something…about how—generally young—people sometimes vanish without a trace…
Anyway, Blondie shows she’s got some acting chops and Big Man is just such a bastard… I fucking hate you, Big Man! And, this VR shows that there’s more than just virtual cowgirl!
Kagney Linn Karter: Your Naughty Nurse: It’s Your Turn To Be The Patient
Without a doubt, one of the very best VRs from Naughty America. Probably the best. Kagney, you know…I was really surprised by her comedic abilities. That’s not to say if you’re a pornstar you can’t be funny…but, I really wasn’t expecting such high-quality humor when I fired up this VR porn…
After watching it, I wrote an article entitled Kagney Linn Karter Is A Beautiful Comedian. And, I’m sticking to that. The girl’s funny. And, she’s beautiful. I don’t see much room to disagree with that.
I also liked how her Twitter page says, “I am in love with Humanity.” That statement creates an interesting contrasts with other sentiments expressed there praising the glory of butt nutts, big black cock, slopping that dick up with this wet puss, and magic cum.
Now, this isn’t to suggest that a love of butt nutts, big black cocks, sloppy pussies and magic cum is in any way incompatible with a love for humanity. I didn’t say that! I just said it was interesting! Sure butt nutts and cocks and magic cum is all a part of this thing called humanity. I get that!
And, I find it interesting. I find Kagney interesting. As I previously said, in my experience, it is highly-unusual to find a beautiful woman who’s also funny.
To me…brains and beauty is the total package. It doesn’t seem to be asking for all that much. I mean… if you want a beautiful girl who’s funny…on the one hand, it doesn’t seem like you’re asking for the world.
But, trust me…wait for it…you’re asking for the world.
Mistress Minerva and Nora Barcelona: Dominate and be Dominated
Folks, Mistress Minerva and Nora really got into some crazy antics in this VR. Let’s look at the BaDoink synopsis:
“Get the full BDSM 3D experience from two points of view, the dominatrix, and her female slave. Enjoy rope bondage, nipple clamps, whips, hot wax and more BDSM fun.”
“Well…it appears we’ll be dealing with bondage, discipline, S+M VR, domination …and ….and … female slavery! What in fucks name am I getting myself into here!!!”
I’m sticking to that same response, friends. For those burnt-out on cowgirling VRs…how about some female slavery and rope bondage! How about hot wax and chaining gorgeous Nora Barcelona to the ceiling. You damn well know you want a naked Ms. Barcelona chained to your ceiling.
I remember one time I picked-up a barroom floosie, and once we were back at my palace, she asked me to tie her up. I didn’t have any rope on hand. She said, “If we’re going to do this, you need to tie me up!” So, sure…I ripped an extension cord out of the wall. Hey, a little ingenuity. All right. That’s a dumb story. I admit it… I never claimed to be Ernie Hemmingway!
All right, let’s get back on track here. This article’s purpose is to provide some praise for creative VR porns. How did I do? I mean… Blondie getting harassed and dominated by no-good Big Man… Kagney as a crazy nurse… Nora and Mistress Minerva in bondage and discipline, chained-to-ceiling crazy stuff…
Folks, those are the most creative efforts VR porn saw in 2015. With Kink VR and others on the horizon, I’m expecting at least of sampling of interesting work in 2016.