A Pretty Blonde Just Pissed On You!

All right, friends, let’s consider Lynna Nilsson’s new VR porn movie: College Days…brought to you by Virtual Real Porn.

Before it’s over, Ms. Nilsson is 3D aiming her urine stream right at you…so, this definitely warrants some…um… consideration, folks. I mean, it’s not every day a beautiful blonde urinates your direction.

 

So, here’s the thing about Lynna. She’s absolutely fucking, totally gorgeous. And, she knows it. You know it. And, everybody who has ever passed her on the street knows it. She’s the type of young, blonde woman who’s got that angular, striking Euro face complemented by a slender body that draws in male eyeballs like paper clips to a two-ton magnet.

And, the somewhat lengthy and unusual—for VR porn—monologue gives one the impression that annoyingness and she aren’t exactly strangers. A pretty-faced girl’s got the world at her feet. And, everyone knows it! But, you’re not supposed to say it! Hey, I’m just being honest here, folks. If I’m not honest…then, what’s the point of typing in this box?

I remember when I had this nineteen-year-old girlfriend who looked like she stepped right out of Penthouse Magazine: absolute knock-out. I’m serious. Big, squishy bouncy ones. A waist you could wrap your hand around. A face you could stare at for hours. The type of girl that’s got a special talent for getting her man into fights with other dudes. God, I loved her. And, man…was she ever a talkative-pain-in-the-ass. And, crazy me: I couldn’t get enough. Anyway…

The video’s set-up is that loquacious Lynna’s a college gal who’s on a webcam with her boyfriend. This set-up has potential! And, man…this gal’s quite the conversationalist! In the VR movie, you just want to insert your funstick into her mouth hole to stop the word deluge.

When it comes to female, porn stars; there’s a tendency for us to not give them consideration as actual living, breathing human beings who are complicated people.

This is natural, of course, because they are the fantasy source…and, who wants to dilute the magic with reality. And, ironically, that’s part of what makes this movie special. It breaks down that fantasy barrier and allows us to glimpse at what I think is probably a more authentic Lynna. Although, I’m left thinking I kind of prefer the more conventionally pornified persona.

But, man…what’s interesting is that even if the word content is a bit inane: that accent’s still so very charming! You know it’s charming. She knows it’s charming. Everyone who’s ever heard her speak knows it’s charming.

So, to sort of summarize where we are at this point: Lynna Nilsson is drop-dead-gorgeous and charming…and, everybody knows it. And, one gets the impression she has a real-life potential to try a man’s patience with those captivating monologues.

Now, this movie is thus far poised to be a masterpiece. Why? Because it’s got Lynna in an intimate setting talking to her boyfriend via webcam…and, in this VR medium, the viewer takes the boyfriend position. Additionally, as has been repeated, she’s beautiful. And, you know you’d eat a bucketful of centipedes if it meant you could plant your string bean in her Swedish garden. You know you would! Do not lie to me, man!

And, there are some magical instants in this movie that largely feature Lynna frigging her Nordic snapper. But, it could have benefited by allowing Lynna to stick that big, blonde face in the camera more. Just take that VR camera rig and jam it right-up against that gorgeous face.

This is a shortcoming of many VR porn movies I’ve seen thus far. I’ve enjoyed almost all of them. And, most of them have little sections that are golden. But, if the video-camera-operator-people just zoomed-in more…for longer…there would be more satisfied viewers. Zoom. In. More. It seems so simple…

But, there is an aspect of this movie that is unusually intriguing. It occurs at 20:19 when Ms. Nilsson begins spraying her wee-wee at you. I almost feel like I should have used a different title and given a spoiler alert for that!

It was unexpected! And, I like unexpected things! I always have… And, wow… our dear Lynna has a rather powerful urine spray! I mean…that things got some distance. That power faucet could extinguish a small fire. And, in virtual reality, it’s coming right at you, baby!

Now, I know this whole urine/scatalogical thing is a fetish for some. I don’t particularly share that kink. I’m more of a conventional, panties-and-bikini sort of guy. I’m working on replacing the expression meat-and-potatoes with panties-and-bikinis. But, even still…It was just interesting seeing a pristine blonde, who exudes a sort of uptight-Marsha-Brady-vibe, firing her wee-wee all over the place. So, that was awesome.

Now, good work was done on the very sexy bra-and-panties teasing and furious frigging. But…

…next time just do a couple things. Have Lynna stick that big face in the camera. And, hold the camera on her face for the next ten minutes. Have her twiddle her Swedish meatball while she talks incessantly. But, next time have the chatter be in the JOI category. It seems so simple. Point the camera at her face for ten minutes and have her encourage you to masturbate while she diddles her gumball. Do that, and you’ve got your masterpiece. That’s it…